Ganni LIVE!
by tyrannybrown
Summary: A TV Show, interviewing the cast of Ranma 12. Some interesting things have happened since they last met. (hehe)
1. Nabiki speaks!

DISCLAIMER: Rumiko, I yield to your greatness.  
  
  
  
key:  
::thryueyiuyeqiuy:: -sound, or action  
{sdahfjhasdklhfaj}-video clip/commercials  
-saffasfsafsaaf- random details  
dsghkjhggjhsdfkjhs-spoken word  
  
Let's start the show!  
  
::annoying opening music::  
  
Ganni Nimbus: Hi! Welcome to 'Behind the Scenes: Your favorite actors after the candle of their fame is burnt out, their star fizzles into nonexistence, after their shows stops airing on Nick@Nite, etc. etc.' I'm your LOVELY, Stunningly beautiful host Ganni Nimbus!   
  
::APPLAUSE::  
::annoying dance::  
  
Let's get on with the show! Today we're going behind the scenes of what WAS everyone's favorite Anime and Manga, Ranma 1/2! Aren't you excited!   
  
::annoying giggle::  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Here we have Nabiki Tendo-Saotome who plays, ::cough::, excuse me, PLAYED Nabiki Tendo! Come on out Nabiki!  
  
-Nabiki enters and sits down, she's in a white turtleneck and a plaid maternity(!) jumpsuit, her hair is longer, but still in her signature cut, she's wearing brown loafers-   
  
::Waves to studio audience::  
::APPLAUSE::  
::standard greetings between the two women::  
::Nabiki sits and gets comfortable::  
  
Ganni: So, let's get started. Nabiki first question, how did get into the show business?  
  
Nabiki: Well, I was about, say eight when I saw a contest on the back of a cereal box, looking for a new kid to be on the box and, like a promotional kid. I won! I starred in my first commercial when I was nine, and after that came several T.V. shows, all of which were unsuccessful. By the time I was sixteen, I had played in 3 movies, starred in 6 canceled shows. Then I was sent the first Ranma 1/2 script and I fell in love with it.  
  
Ganni: I understand you also fell in love with something else on the set.  
  
::giggles::  
-Nabiki blushes-  
  
Nabiki: Yeah that's right.  
  
::plays with wedding ring::  
  
Nabiki: When I first stepped onto the set at 17, I had just rethought my life, after my contract expired I was going to devote my life to God.  
  
Ganni: You were going to become a NUN?!?  
  
Nabiki: Yes. I was raised in the expectation of becoming a nun. Anyway I stepped onto the set and the first person I saw was Ranma Saotome, the show's star. We introduced ourselves, and discovered a lot about each other, in fact, he was in training to become a minister. A man of God! I loved him at first sight!   
  
Ganni: So romantic! First date?  
  
Nabiki: That afternoon! We went out for coffee. So romantic! He held my hand back to the studio. We were married the next month. Our first child exactly nine months after our wedding day! Nine months to the day! This child I'm carrying, our fourth! We decided to name our children after some of the places they were, can I say it?  
  
Ganni: -looks off set nervously- -smiles- Yes, our producer has given you the okay. Say it.  
  
Nabiki: Conceived.  
  
::audience gasps in disapproval::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
Ganni: What an icky word! So, what're your kids names?  
  
Nabiki: Holiday, after the Holiday Inn in Tokyo. I wonder if they ever cleaned up that bed in room 302? Oh well. Radisson, after the Radisson Hotel in Kyoto.   
-giggle- Sorry 'bout that headboard! And,Ocean, after the beach in Spain.  
This next one will be named Ranma.  
  
Ganni: -speechless-  
  
Nabiki: We were at home. After I leave here I'm going out to get all new sheets. We made a -giggle- mess.  
  
::Audience is speechless::  
::Guy audience member hurries to bathroom, holding mouth closed::  
  
Ganni: -regains composure- We'll be right back after these messages!  
  
COMMERCIALS  
{Guy walks down street, carrying bag of salt. Trips on rock, spills salt on snail.  
"Sorry." Snail fizzles. Screen goes black. White words appear.  
"Millions of snails die like this every year. Keep your snail inside. A message from the Protect Many Snails (PMS) foundation.}  
  
END OF PART ONE  
  
A/N: How'd you like it? Ganni is your typical annoying, bubbly show host and I decided to take a new look on the Ranmafic thing. Please Review! Next chapter is: The rest of Nabiki's interview!  
I bet your just itching in your pants to read it! Too bad! HA! 


	2. Nabiki continues!

Ganni: Now, back to our show, 'Behind the scenes: Now that they AREN'T Stars'!  
I'm your ever-faithful, stunningly beautiful, single, looking for a good man-  
  
Nabiki: -cough 'desperate' cough-  
  
Ganni: -growls-  
  
::audience-CATFIGHT CATFIGHT!::  
  
Ganni: Anyway, I'm here with Nabiki Tendo-Saotome. We were just talking about your love life. You have three kids and another on the way, how do you make time for.... you know...  
  
Nabiki: I have no idea what you're talking about.  
  
Ganni: you know, -cough-, loving...  
  
Nabiki: My husband kisses me every day before he leaves for work.  
  
Ganni: Not that, you know.... -makes explicit movements in chair-  
  
::same audience member exits after just returning::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
::audience gasps in disgust::  
  
Nabiki: Ohhhhhhhh, that! -smiles-  
  
Nabiki: You mean... -leans over and whispers in Ganni's ear-  
  
Ganni: -blushes-  
  
::nods::  
  
Nabiki: All right, here's my little secret...  
  
::all the ladies whip out a pad and pen(including Ganni)::  
  
Nabiki: Throw all the little crumbsnatchers in a room with Spongebob reruns playing! They'll be occupied for hours! Even though 5 minutes later he'll be asleep, and you'll be making coffee cause it's all over!  
  
::audience gasps::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
::guy, who had just returned from bathroom, hurries back::  
  
Ganni: R-Really? Ranma's not... -looks at producer off screen who gives thumbs up- good?  
  
Nabiki: -chuckles- No it's not that, he's GREAT, I mean WHOA! I mean, seriously one time, WOO HOO.... -wipes sweat off brow-  
  
::all ladies lean forward in their seats::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
::guys look disinterested::  
  
Nabiki: I'm just saying, expect the worst! Even though, I got the best!  
  
Ganni: -stuffs pen and pad into back pocket- So, Nabiki.... Let's change the subject. How are you different from your character?  
  
Nabiki: Well, Ganni, My character and I are different in a lot of ways. First off, I don't care about money as much, I mean money still matters... It's just that when I go into character, I have to think about money so much it drives the kids and Ranma crazy. I mean one night, really, really late. We were both in bed and the kids were sleeping. I was reading my script and Ranma pulled me close. I said '5000 yen'. Then like magic, he let go. I mean to be Nabiki ,I mean in-character, I have to be mean and self-centered, really. And I'm just not like that. At all.  
  
Ganni: Well thank you Nabiki. Now for a word from our sponsors. and when we get back, Ryoga!  
  
::girls faint in audience::  
::old women look at girls and click tongues::  
:: guy returns from restroom::  
  
COMMERCIAL  
{jingle -you need it/ you know it/ your face really shows it/that pimple is huge/ it is starting to ooze/ this product/ you'll see/ is as good as can be/ it'll clear your acne right up/ use 'WASSUP DUDE YOUR ACNE IS KILLING ME SO USE THIS CREAM NOW NO JOKING YOU'LL THANK ME LATER' today! -end jingle   
::annoying chorus girls::For a Better face tomorrow!}  
  
END OF PART TWO 


	3. Ryoga ?

Ganni: Ahhhhh... we're back. -sighs contentedly after sipping coffee- I'm Ganni, of course, I'm your deliciously seductive, lusciously available, STUNNINGLY beautiful, host Ganni!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Ganni: Oh My! Here's a change! I'd like to introduce Alan, my GUEST co-host.  
  
-Alan strucks out, an Asian man, dressed in a sharp suit-  
  
Alan: Ganni, I'm sooo happy to be here. As I guest co-host, I mean, not as a guest cause if I was a guest you would be asking me questions and I would be answering you know I've never been on T.V. before, it's exciting can I say hi to my mom I want to say hi to my mom cause if I didn't she'd probably-  
  
Ganni- That's quite enough Alan. We all fully realize that you are obviously in awe of me. I mean, who in their right mind wouldn't be? Anyway, Nabiki had to buy new sheets, so next we bring out.....  
  
::DRUMROLL::  
  
Ganni: Ryoga!  
  
::girls faint::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
::guys look disinterested::  
  
-Ryoga steps out, wearing an entire Sean John outfit-  
  
::Handshakes Alan::  
::Hugs Ganni (a lil TOO tightly) whispers something in her ear::  
::Ganni blushes::  
::guy in audience"YOU STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND!"::  
::guy dragged away by security::  
  
Ganni: Well hello Ryoga Hibiki!   
  
Ryoga: What's happenin' hottie?  
  
Ganni: -blushes- Oh nothing... -whispers-  
  
Ryoga: For sure, meet you there. Sounds... interesting.  
  
Alan: Never mind this nonsense! Where do you stand on the plight of the modern Asian man in the world?  
  
Ryoga: What? Look man, I'm straight. I don't swing that way. Plus, Ganni asked me first, okay? Get offa my back.  
  
Alan: -fuming- All my life... I've NEVER BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING GAY! This is an OuTRAGE! I wasn't coming on to you, SEX FIEND!  
  
Ganni: I resent that insult to Ryoga! He deserves the utmost respect! Plus, you can't mess this up for me, he's only here for tonight!  
  
Ryoga: There's no need to argue, there's plenty of me to go around!   
  
::old ladies click tongues::  
  
Alan: I think not! My grandma is sick! I thought I'd go to see her!  
  
Ryoga: Booty Call, huh? It's a'ight, I understand. But a tip; don't call 'em, the old ones, grandma.   
  
Alan: -gasp- YOU OVERSEXED FOOL! HOW DARE YOU! -face turns red from anger-  
  
::Old ladies click tongues::  
  
Ryoga: Oversexed is right. -winks at Ganni-  
  
Ganni: -blushes- We'll be right back.  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
::Ganni, as show fades out, "Ryoga-babe, how much is this going to cost me?"::  
  
COMMERCIAL  
{public service announcement:   
Water.   
You need it.   
Go figure.  
  
- a message from the WATER association. (Wicked Apes Tease Me Relentlessly)}  
END OF CHAPTER 4 


	4. Purple Hair!

Alan: Ummm... Hello! There's been a slight change in schedule, yet again... -is peeved-  
  
::crickets chirp in audience::  
  
Alan: Well, I'm Alan. Your ummmm... handsome, testosterone-driven...  
Wait! This isn't working! Where's GANNI!   
  
Alan: -looks to producers off screen- -looks to audience- -smiles- We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors!  
  
COMMERCIAL  
{park scene. Children playing, on slide, swings, jungle gym. Man walks onto scene. Bends down, has something in hand. Sticks purple flag in ground. Runs away. Sky blackens. Alien spaceship lands. Children are abducted.  
  
'Fosters- It's Australian for Beer.'}  
Alan: And we're back! Ganni and Ryoga had a slight emergency. -cough- So we bring out our next guest, everyone's favorite purple-haired diva, SHAMPOO!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
::guy shouts "MARRY ME (AGAIN) SHAMPOO!" is dragged off my security::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
  
Shampoo steps out, in a plum colored velour pantsuit. She wears huge, slender, golden hoop earrings and plum colored suede Pumas. She smiles brightly. Her lilac hair is pulled back into one bun.  
  
Shampoo: It's great to be here, Alan.  
  
Alan: I'm sure it is. -adjusts glasses-  
  
Alan: So Shampoo, tell us, how was your experience on Ranma 1/2?  
  
Shampoo: So many memories! Great experiences! So many creative minds and extremely talented people working together for the better ment of mankind! -eyes glaze over in nostalgia-   
  
Alan: Are we talking about the same thing?  
  
Shampoo: ... Wha-? Wait, no we aren't. Yeh. Oh, the show, on the set, great time.  
  
Alan: -raises an eyebrow- Ooooook.... Shampoo, how'd you get into acting?  
  
Shampoo: That was my first job. Rumiko-san owed my dad a favor. -laughs-  
So I became the love-lorn Amazon. Very fun. -Yawns-  
  
Alan: ummmm... -shuffles index cards in his hands-   
  
::Ganni and Ryoga burst on set, Ganni's shirt is disheveled, her hair is 'jacked', her lipstick is smeared all over her face::  
  
::Ryoga smiles, jacket in hand, instead of on::  
  
::old ladies click tongues::  
  
::girls gasp::  
  
::guys look disinterested::  
  
::audience memger charges to bathroom, holding mouth::  
  
Ganni: -whispers to Ryoga-  
  
Ryoga: Oh. -zips up fly-  
  
Shampoo: Alan, your hosting skills leave much to be desired. -Yawns-  
  
Alan: -sweatdrops- We'll be right back!  
COMMERCIAL  
{Little girls are jumping rope, jumping to the rhytm of the name game...  
  
'Ganni, Ganni bo Banni, banana fanana fo Fanni, fee fi fo Manni, GANNI!'  
Girls smile and laugh.  
  
'ONE MORE TIME! Alan, Alan bo Balan, banana fanana fo Fal-' Girl jumping messes up. The girls sigh and walk off screen.  
  
'WATCH GANNI LIVE! EVERY AFTERNOON 4:00 pacific time!'}  
END OF PART FOUR  
(A/N: At long last, chapter four of Ganni LIVE! Aren't you just ever so delighted? I plan to bring back Nabiki soon, stay tuned (that almost rhymes!)) 


	5. Guess Who's Cool?

Ganni: -looks put together- Hi, we're back! I'm your lusciously seductive, infinitely attractive, host Ganni Nimbus!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Alan: And I'm your co-host Alan!  
  
::crickets chirp yet again in the distance::  
  
Ganni: Let's get down to 'bisnas'! We have here Shampoo, Ryoga Hibiki, and a blast from the not-so-past, Nabiki Tendo-Saotome!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Ryoga: So... Shampoo...  
  
Ganni: -gasp-  
  
Ryoga: Got a mint?  
  
Shampoo: Get lost moocher. On the set, Ryoga here, NEVER brought mints! And during his scenes, he always asked for a mint!   
  
Nabiki: -laughs- I remember that!  
  
::AUDIENCE LAUGHS::  
::audience member returns::  
  
Ryoga: Oh, yeah? Remember Nabiki and Ranma right after they get married?  
  
Shampoo: -laughs-  
  
Alan: Speaking of Ranma, let's bring him on out!  
  
::Ranma walks on stage. Wearing his usual, Red Chinese shirt and black pants. Wears small glasses and has the beginnings of a moustache on his face. His signature pigtail is a bit shorter than last, but still there::  
::Ranma kisses Nabiki on the forehead before sitting next to her::  
  
Ganni: Well Ranma, what's Ryoga talking about?  
  
::Ranma and Nabiki turn to each other, wide-eyed, blush, then turn to Ganni simultaneously::  
  
Alan: Well?  
  
Ryoga: Everytime, we took a break.... -laughs-  
  
Shampoo: The broom closet... -cracks up-  
  
Nabiki: Well...  
  
Alan: I'm not sure I want to hear this.  
  
Ryoga: After every break, when we reconvened... -laughs-  
  
Shampoo: -laughs- The two were no where to be found...  
  
Ranma: Is this REALLY the place for these stories?  
  
Ganni: YES!   
  
Ryoga: And suddenly the broom closet door would give way.... and out they fell!  
  
Shampoo: Their makeup and hair would always have to be redone!  
  
::old ladies click tongues::  
  
Shampoo: Occasionally, wardrobe would have to be called too! -laughs-  
  
Nabiki: -blushes-  
  
Ranma: -blushes-  
  
::audience member runs to bathroom, holding mouth, trips::  
::janitor runs into audience::  
  
Ganni: Whoa...  
  
Nabiki: Well, what about Shampoo's stint with Kuno?  
  
Alan: Do I want to hear this?  
  
Ganni: Do tell!  
  
Shampoo: Nabiki... -looks warningly at Nabiki-  
  
Nabiki: Maybe, I shouldn't say...  
  
Ryoga, Ganni, Ranma, AUDIENCE: TELL THEM!!!  
  
Nabiki: Shampoo was caught with Kuno...  
  
Shampoo: -is embarrassed-  
  
Nabiki: -giggles like a lil girl- ...EATING... COOKIES!!!!!!!!! -bursts into laughter-  
  
Ryoga, Ganni, Ranma, AUDIENCE: AWWWWWWWWWw....  
  
Shampoo: -sighs in relief- Thanks 'Biki.  
  
Nabiki: Anytime.  
  
Ganni: Speaking of Kuno, Let's bring out everyone's favorite mindless lovesick idiot, KUNO!  
  
::Kuno strolls out in a simple chocolate brown suit. Kisses Shampoo on the hand before sitting::  
  
Alan: And before we run out of time, like should have happened an hour ago, let's introduce Akane and Kasumi!  
  
::Akane comes out, short hair, dressed in a blue sundress with blue sandals, sits next to Kuno::  
::Kasumi struts out, in a very revealing, low cut blouse, and a very short skirt, sits between Kuno and Ryoga::  
  
(If you are wondering here's the guest's seating chart, from left to right...  
  
Shampoo-Nabiki-Ranma-Ryoga-Kasumi-Kuno-Akane... back to the show!)  
  
Alan: So how's everyone?  
  
Ganni: Thanks not important! Let's talk about what's up between Shampoo and Kuno! Or even Kasumi's history! Or even Akane's marriage to Mousse!  
  
Alan: He's not even out yet!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
::audience member holds up sign 'KASUMI THE HOTTEST MODEL IN THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT EDITION' is dragged off by security::  
  
Kasumi: I'd be happy to talk!  
  
Alan: Sh-sh-sure! -blushes-  
  
Ganni: -raises eyebrow- Is there something I should know about here?  
  
Akane: I think we all need to be informed! What IS going on between Shampoo and Kuno!  
  
Shampoo: That's what I'd like to know! -smacks Kuno, who'd decided now would be a good time to express his physical attraction to Shampoo in an inappropriate manner-  
  
Kuno: Shampoo!  
  
Ryoga: -talks on cell phone-  
  
Ranma: I think now would be a good time for a commercial break.  
  
Ganni: Why's that?  
  
Nabiki: MY WATER BROKE!  
  
Ganni: -looks offscreen to producers- We'll be right back!  
  
COMMERCIAL  
  
{ Preparation H: for when your H needs Preparation} 


	6. Delivery Room

Ganni: Hi! I'm Ganni! As you all know!  
  
Alan: And I'm Alan.  
  
::screams in background::  
  
Ganni: And we're on location, at the birth of Nabiki and Ranma's fourth child!  
  
::screams::  
  
Alan: -mutters- Darn you producers.  
  
Ganni: Witnessing the miracle of birth!  
  
::screams::  
  
Alan: I'm here with one of the many nurses attending to Nabiki.  
  
Nurse:: -waves- This is a marvelous event!  
  
Alan: Yeh. I'm sure it is. How's it working with Nabiki?  
  
Nurse: Mrs. Tendo is a great partner. She does what she's told. This child should be fine.  
  
Alan: Excellent.  
  
Ganni: So what's going on?  
  
Nurse: Mrs. Tendo has been in labor longer than expected. A c-Section might be in order.  
  
::cries::  
  
Ganni: She sounds in pain!  
  
Nurse: Oh, she is.  
  
Alan: If my mother is out there, I'd just like to apologize to her.  
  
Nurse: Whatever for? Labor is painful, but the rewards are innumerable!  
  
Alan: I ate the last of the pie.  
  
Nurse: Oh.  
  
Ganni: -rolls eyes- So nurse, have you any children?  
  
Nurse: No, too painful!  
  
Ganni: -facefaults- -sighs-  
  
Alan: I feel so great! Witnessing the miracle of birth! The beginning of a life!  
  
Nurse: According to some, life begins at conception.  
  
Alan: WHA-?  
  
Nurse: Excuse me?  
  
Alan: You have to have... you know... to have babies?  
  
Nurse: Of course!  
  
Alan: You learn something new everyday!  
  
Ganni: Baka! -hits Alan-   
  
::screams::  
  
Alan: -Hits Ganni-  
  
Nurse: This is NO place for rough housing!  
  
Alan: We'll settle this over Scrabble later!  
  
Ganni: Let's talk to the father, Ranma Saotome!  
  
Ranma: Busy at the moment! -Nabiki is squeezing his hand- -hand turns purple-  
  
Ganni: Ok, let's get a word from the doctor!  
  
Ukyo: Extremely busy at the moment!  
  
Ganni: We understand! Let's get a word from Nabiki!  
  
::screams::  
  
Nabiki: RANMA THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!  
  
Ranma: ME?  
  
Nabiki: ARE YOU DEAF TOO?!?!?  
  
Ganni: Oooh! Deaf in addition to what?  
  
Alan: While Ganni does investigating, let's check in on the baby's progress. Keep in mind that Nabiki was in labor for hours before we got here.  
  
Ukyo: It's the head!  
  
Ganni: Lemme see! Boy or Girl!  
  
Alan: You can't tell from the head!  
  
Ganni: Ohmigawd! I will never have kids if it looks like THAT!  
  
Nurse: Birth is a miracle to behold! Except when you're on the receiving end.  
  
Alan: I see. And where do you stand on the plight of the modern Asian man?  
  
Nurse: Maybe we could discuss this over coffee. Now's not a good time.  
  
Alan: You mean a date?  
  
Nurse: No, COFFEE.  
  
Ganni: Sorry to interupt this love connection, but the shoulders have emerged!  
  
Nurse: After here, it's easy going.  
  
Ganni: Great, cause this whole 'push' mess is getting ridculous.  
  
Ukyo: Okay, Nabiki, PUSH!  
  
Ranma: Nabiki, I love you!  
  
Nabiki: IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU WOULD'VE REMINDED ME OF THE PAIN BEFORE IT HAPPENED!  
  
Ranma: Sorry.  
  
Nabiki: YOU BETTER BE!!!  
  
Ganni: Oooh! Marital strife rears its ugly head in the delivery room!  
  
Alan: I think we should go to a commercial break!  
  
COMMERCIAL  
{Noun: It's what you are.} 


	7. Lollygaggers

Ganni: So we're back in the studio! I'm your beautiful, Stunningly seductive, all around good person, host, Ganni Nimbus!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Alan: I'm here too!  
  
::audience is silent::  
  
Alan: -mutters- Stupid live studio audience.  
  
Ganni: What was that Alan?  
  
Alan: Nothing at all Ganni.  
  
Ganni: Whatever. Anyway, we're here with the cast from Ranma 1/2! Almost everyone's here, except Mr.Saotome himself and Nabiki Tendo, who has just given birth to their fourth child! Ranma Saotome Jr.!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Alan: We're all so excited. So, cast, how's your life been after the show?  
  
Akane: I've been quite busy, with several independant films, various humanitarian projects, and many-  
  
Kuno: Well, Akane that sounds so very exciting, but we have more pressing matters to talk about. Shampoo, how have YOU been?  
  
Shampoo: Actually, I've been-  
  
Ganni: -standing- EXCU-USE ME, BUT KUNO, ARE YOU THE HOST OF THIS SHOW?  
  
Alan: Oh, Ganni, what a funny question, you know he's not.  
  
Ganni: Shut up. WELL KUNO ARE YOU?  
  
::audience member: You go gurl!::  
  
Kuno: It depends on whose perspective-  
  
Ganni: Let's just move on,before I am forced to hit Kuno with every ounce of womanly strength I posess, and thereby turn myself into a sweaty spectacle, which would ultimately turn every man in this studio into a crazed fiend.  
  
::all males in audience: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!::  
  
Alan: Ganni, I had no idea you could use words longer than 4 letters, well done.  
  
Ganni: -glares at Alan- You weren't saying that last night-  
  
::audience gasps::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
::guests sit on edge of seats::  
  
Ganni: When I beat you at Scrabble!  
  
::guests relax::  
  
Alan: You promised to keep that one a secret!  
  
Ganni: -examines nails boredly- I had my fingers crossed. Moving on, let's continue. What have you been up to Kuno?  
  
Kuno: Oh, nothing really. I've been spending most of my time writing a musical-  
  
Alan: I didn't know you had it in you.  
  
Ganni: About what?  
  
Kuno: It's called ' The Shampoo of the Opera'.  
  
Shampoo: -sighs- Never leaves me alone...  
  
Ganni: How about you Kasumi?  
  
::men in audience cheer::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
  
Kasumi: -seductively- Alan knows what I've been up to. Don't you?  
  
Alan: -blush-  
  
::men in audience begin to weep::  
  
Ganni: So Alan... What's up?  
  
Akane: THAT'S what I'd like to know.  
  
Shampoo: Kuno get off me.  
  
Alan: Well, I... um... I...  
  
Kasumi: Oh, Alan, just spit it out.  
  
Alan: -blush- Kasumi Hamasaki has been... very busy over thses past few years.  
  
Ganni: Hamasaki? Married Kasumi?  
  
Kasumi: Not exactly married... We've separated. In the process of divorce. He doesn't like my current job.  
  
Akane: Current job? Last I heard, you worked at Kinko's. What's so bad about Kinko's? I mean the ink fumes and all... but really.  
  
Shampoo: KUNO!!!-kicks him-  
  
Kuno: -is unaffected-  
  
Alan: It's not Kinko's...  
  
Kasumi: I've been in several Sport's Illustrated Issues...  
  
Kuno: -stops caressing Shampoo's leg for a moment- You play a sport? I always knew Kasumi could play tennis!  
  
Alan: -blush-  
  
Akane: Where's this conversation leading...  
  
Shampoo: Kuno, you idiot. Kasumi doesn't have the muscular legs of a tennis player...  
  
Ganni: That's true...  
  
Kasumi: I have posed for the swimsuit issue many times. I'm nothing like the character I played.  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
  
Kuno: As we all now see.  
  
Shampoo: Kuno!  
  
Akane: Wow! I never would have guessed.  
  
Ganni: How does our 'beloved' Alan tie into this? Wait...Alan, what was your last job?  
  
Alan: Photographer.  
  
::Audience gasps::  
  
Akane: So it all comes together! Wait, what kind of photographer?  
  
Shampoo: Kuno, get off! I mean it!  
  
Kasumi: He photographed every issue. EVERY issue. So he got to see...  
  
Alan: Another side of Kasumi.  
  
::Audience gasps::  
::males in audience start to cry::  
::old ladies click tongues::  
  
Ganni: Wow Alan, secrets come out.  
  
Kuno: -amazed- I didn't think you had it in you.  
  
Shampoo: This is... interesting.  
  
Akane: I personally really thought Alan was...  
  
Ganni: What?  
  
Kuno: I thought the same thing Akane.  
  
Shampoo: I know exactly! I was thinking the same thing!  
  
Ganni: Thought what? What did you think about Alan? -smiles- Oh YEAH! That's right! I know what you are talking about!  
  
Alan: What did you think about me? Not that I'm concerned with the opinions of the masses, but...  
  
Akane: Alan, we thought you were gay.  
  
::audience laughs::  
  
Alan: GAY?!?  
  
Kasumi: Alan is the total opposite of that! He's a monster!  
  
::old ladies click tongues::  
::male audience members sob::  
::guy audience member runs to restroom, covering his mouth::  
  
Akane: Oh my.  
  
Kuno: I would have never thought.  
  
Shampoo: Alan? You sly...  
  
Kuno: I want to shake the hand of the man who got to Kasumi.  
  
Shampoo: -kicks Kuno-  
  
Akane: I can't beleive it. Alan of all people.  
  
Kuno: Savage!  
  
Shampoo: Kasumi! You...  
  
Ganni: -holds head- Ooh. BAD mental picture. Let's go to a commercial break.  
  
COMMERCIAL  
{Travel advertisment. Sunny day in Nerima. Flowers are blooming. Butterflies flutter here and there. People are going about their business happily. Suddenly a 2,000 lb. block of ice falls from the sky.People continue on about their business.  
"Come to Nerima! You never know what's next!"} 


	8. The End of Episode One! Shouldn't we hav...

Ganni: So last time, we left off with a shocking secret revealed!  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
::men in audience bawl::  
::guy returns from restroom::  
  
Alan: MY shocking secret. -mutters curses-  
  
Shampoo: What was that?  
  
Alan: Nothing.  
  
Kuno: I"m still amazed at Alan's... prowess. It astounds me.  
  
Shampoo: Electricity astounds you, Kuno.  
  
Akane: -chuckles- So true.  
  
Alan: Let's change the subject. Any on set secrets we need to know?  
  
Akane: Well, let's see... Ryoga and Nodoka had a little... thing.  
  
Ganni: Really? I can't believe it! RYOGA? MY RYOGA?  
  
Shampoo: Well, at the time, he was HER Ryoga.  
  
Kuno: Yes, so young and impressionable. The vixen molded young Ryoga to suit her vices. So sad. -wipes away a false tear-  
  
Shampoo: Cut the crap Kuno. You know you would have loved to have been in his shoes.  
  
Akane: We all know this.  
  
Kasumi: Too many love triangles on the set. Someone was always with someone. Someone was always experimenting. Most of us were young and new at this.  
  
Alan: I see.  
  
Ganni: -sobs- Ryoga, WHY? WHY HAVE YOU FORESAKEN ME?  
  
Akane:-comforts Ganni- Ryoga's hard to tie down for too long. Don't fret.  
  
Shampoo: Ryoga's been with almost everyone from the show. HE's such a player.  
  
Kuno: Yes. Plays with the hearts. Cheated me out of all my money.  
  
Alan: Wha?  
  
Kuno: At hearts. Such a card shark.  
  
Ganni: -sobs-  
  
Alan: This is getting so mundane. Let's just bring out... Oh my Jeebus! Look at this! I can't believe it!  
  
Kuno,Ganni,Shampoo,Akane, Kasumi: WHAT?  
  
Alan: -tears of joy- I never thought that in all my days, I'd ever see this!  
  
Ganni: What?  
  
Alan: We're out of time!  
  
Kasumi: I thought that we had run out of time so long ago.  
  
Kuno: That's what I thought!  
  
Akane: You mean this was all taped? I thought this was just a rehearsal!  
  
Shampoo: This is going to be on air?  
  
Alan: Has been.  
  
::APPLAUSE::  
::Ending credits roll::  
::screen is dark::  
  
Kasumi, Akane, Kuno, Shampoo: I'M SUING! 


End file.
